Heh, here's an exceptionally hopeful draft that was written and not published half a decade ago.... No, it didn't really help my social anxiety. In fact, the *reason* why I got my license had nothing to do with what I wrote about here, and that reason and many countless related-factors since have it made it much worse. *Sigh* To be "young" and optimistic [even when faced with horrendous circumstances], again.

...

Yep... I'm 34 in a month-ish, and never got my driver's license.

I took Driver's Ed at 15.5, like many/most(?)... But since I was staying late after school for those classes, I got more familiar than ever with the city's bus system... That newfound freedom, along with a combination of other factors, convinced me it was more than suitable to "be green." So, I didn't bother taking the driver's test, and never got my license.

Here's an irony to make me feel real old... The number of years since I was last behind a wheel is *more than* the number of years old I was when I could've gotten my license... 18+ years since I've been behind a wheel. Jeeze I'm old.

Worse, still, was a comment from my "instructor" who referred to the last time I'd practiced in that same parking-lot as "nearly 20 years ago." Sheesh I'm old.

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Tonight was my first lesson. Thankfully it seemed to come back to me quite well... Surprisingly-so, in fact. OTOH, when I did it the first time 'round we had real-old stick-shifts, clutches, and many other factors... These newfangled dealy-bobs the kids learn on these days are... sheesh, they practically drive themselves.

.......

In the grand scheme of things, I think this is a good move.

Social anxiety has become strong with this one over the past several years... ("crippling", at times, I'd say). And feeling trapped in social environments makes it that much more difficult. I'd love to be able to visit family, etc... but with literally no exit except hours-long-walks... it's *really* difficult for me. I have anxiety/panic-attacks just *thinking* about it.

It's funny how many people I talk to who say flat-out "I can't ride a bus..." for reasons just like that, (I have extreme difficulty riding a bus, these days)... Similar people who say "I love visiting Mom, but have to have my car as an 'out'", and so-forth... And yet they lead pretty normal lives. Mine's not-so-normal, maybe it can normalize... I think this'd help.

Nevermind job-applications... Have you ever looked at job-apps with this limitation in mind? There are *countless* jobs which don't have driving in the job-description in any way, and yet require a drivers' license. Why? And, no, it's not about the commute, I'm talking even desk-jobs with perfectly good bus-access.

The list is endless... There are times I've been known to say "being green [on this matter] was the worst life-choice I ever made." Is that true? I dunno. But the options are *severely* limited without it.

Think about this... My home-town is well-known for being a "45-minute drive" from darn-near anything one might be interested in to gain some perspective... Hiking, Skiing, old mountain-pass railways turned shallow bike-trails, national parks, great beaches, wind-surfing, camping, tulip-fields, farms of all sorts, self-pick strawberry fields, there's even a friggin' rainforest, and a friggin' desert in the other direction. Or if somehow waterslides and theme-parks would do the trick, we got those too. (Sounds like he** to me, but maybe after a few hikes in the mountains, or trips to the desert, they'd be more appealing).

Guess how many of these things I've experienced over the past 20 years... And the past ten?

I could be reaching, here... But I'd go so far as to say that even from a purely logical standpoint, it would make sense that people surrounded by so much opportunity, yet trapped in such a small area (and with so many people, nevermind people who can regularly make use of those opportunities!), might just become somewhat skewed in their perspective of the world... Might even become somewhat anxious... Might just shy away from and/or get frustrated by conversation with folks who have those opportunities, and more... might just gain crippling anxieties.

There was one night I was so desperate, I approached a taxi driver, offering a shopping-mart gift-card as payment to "take me as far as you're willing to go and back." It wasn't even that far, some people commute that path several times a day... But I felt free for once... And the guy listened to my story and at some point I asked him to stop so I could have a smoke... He obliged and we talked in a strip-mall parking-lot... You have no idea how badly I needed that night.

This isn't even a big city... strip-malls are only 10-minute-drives (or hours of walking) away... If it wasn't so late, (and if I'd had any money other than that gift-card) going through a friggin' drive-through for a shitty burger would've been icing on the one-night-of-freedom-cake.

That was years ago, now... I'll never forget that taxi-driver.

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