So here I am with super-sized egg on my face. 5 hours later, my SD card finished getting read, I'm concerned I've done something wrong, only to find out my card has been in a USB 1 CONNECTOR!!!!

Some quick research tells me the back of my Linux box has USB 3, which is backwards compatible. Fast forward 10 minutes and a "DD" write of 16gb is almost finished.

SMH

:-$